Sunday, June 25, 2006

A Mother's Reflections and Worries

I know that I am a bad blogger, but in my defense I am a busy new mom. My husband keeps telling me that I have GOT to do another blog post. So, here it is. As I sit here watching my now 2 month old baby sleep I am amazed by all the changes that have taken place in last 2 very short months. He now smiles, laughs, and even coos at his stuffed friends. When on his activity mat or in his crib or bassinet he now swings his arms and tries to grab on to the animals that sway above him (he doesn't quite have to hand/eye thing down yet but we are working hard on it). He tries to sit up and tries to roll over and once he gets there he even tries to crawl. I feel he is very advanced for his age, but then again it is probably just me(hehe). Being a mother is something that I would never trade! My mother always use to tell me that someday I would be a mom and then I would understand. I could never figure out what she meant by that. Understand what? There was nothing to understand she was just talking crazy. Well don't you hate it when you parents are right? It hard to put into words, because there is so many emotions that are wrapped up in it, but she was right I am a mother now and I DO UNDERSTAND. Being a mom is the greatest most special thing that has ever happened to me. I love being Skylar's mom. I really can't complain about him too much he is a great baby! He hardly ever cries, only when he is hungry or very sleepy. However, I do wish that he would learn that we sleep at night (or at least most of the world does) and play during the day. If we ever get that worked out we should be all good.

Many of you know that I am middle school teacher. Last year I taught ESL and only had a one year contract because I was emergency certified to teach ESL. I had kind of resigned myself to being a stay a home mom for the next year at least. In June my contract was up and so far the school had shown no interest in rehiring me. I was ok with that. I loved being home with my baby and spending so much time with him. About 3 weeks ago I got a phone call. The school wanted me to come in and interview for a 6th grade Language Arts position. The current teacher had decided to go to another school. Well... I got the job. It felt great to go in and interview and have them actually want me in that position. I was thrilled and said yes when the principal called to offer me the job. The only problem is that now I am having a really hard time dealing with the thought of having to leave Skylar. I have turned this over in my mind a thousand and one times, if I stay home I will more than likely go stir crazy sitting around since I really know no one here, but I will get to be with my baby and watch him grow. On the other hand, I am around kids all day anyway, but I do get some adult conversation and time to myself. However, I miss out on a lot of the cute little things that Skylar is and will be doing. My biggest fear in all of this is the I will miss out on his first word, or his first time crawling, or his first time walking. I am a wreck over this whole thing. And Skylar, he is becoming such a momma's boy, I am not sure how he is going to take this separation either.

My husband and I did a daycare blitz the other day. We picked out several different ones that we thought we might be interested in and picked a morning to go visit them all. There are a couple that we liked well enough to consider. One is really close to our house, I have already turned in the application and put down the "tuition" for that one. The other one we liked called me two days ago to tell me that they had an opening and would like to offer it to us. I told them to pencil us in until we had a chance to talk it over and that I would let them know soon what we would be doing. One of the problems with this one is that it is the opposite direction of where I need to go in the mornings. This daycare come highly recommended by a few people that we know here, no one really seems to know much about the other one that we liked. Their daycare program is fairly new from the way I take it, but the facility if very nice and clean, and the infant room "teachers" seem very kind and loving. I don't know about any of it. Just the general thought of leaving him at a daycare all day kills me. I wish that there was some easy solution to all of this.

Well I suppose that I have done enough rambling for one entry. It feels a little better to get it all out like that. I promise to try to post again before his is 6 months old! :) Thanks to everyone for listening or should I say reading, and for all the support you have given us! Any advice, questions, comments, or even snide remarks you have please feel free. I welcome them all.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am sure that all your worries will ease once you get settled in. Being a new mom is one of the hardest things that you will ever be in life.Just remember that there is nothing like a mothers love and there are those little senses that lets a mom know things. i guess you could call it "intitution".